My key works. The door opened. True, I was happily off traversing gorgeous hills, being a part of history, dining with immortals, but now back to my sagging pillows I was actually looking forward to kicking up heels and diving into your life-affirming blogs, and your humorous blogs, and your heart-warming photography, and your music blogs and, well, your life, just to be sure my ticker is still ticking.
I dropped my baggage. Stretched. Stepped onto my balcony. Huh?
Parrots? Where am I?
Four parrots amongst my shrubs! Like a joy-luck club. Ooops! Swoosh. Up into the tree! Yes, parrots? Trust me, I haven’t had one sip of liquor. Some-thing-is-hap-pen-ning! Yard looks much the same as when I left. The sky is blue. Where is my friendly cardinal, and my robin, and my dove and pigeon? Nah! Parrots?
I followed the parrots – swooping and squawking – all the way around the lake. Then they were off. To God knows where.
I turned around! And now standing there was a young woman whom I hadn’t seen, heard or felt, crawling up behind me, carrying two kids. The five, maybe, four year old girl was tugging the young woman for attention, and the one, maybe, two year old boy was practically leaping out of her arms toward me, calling out to me, “Daddy, daddy, daddy.”
Trust me, I did not have sexual relationships with that woman!
“Daddy, daddy, daddy.”
I know. The nice thing for a nice fellow like me to do was to let the joyous kid leap into my arms. The normal me would have done exactly that! Coochie-coochie-coochie! But you got to be kidding me. I just followed parrots, tumbling down to the lake – in flip-flops. Aaaaagh!
I waved at the fatherless child, smiling – since that gorgeous lady made no attempt to change the baby-boy’s story. I quickened my steps, like a long-legged bird on a not-really-running-from-that-poodle trot. I made a beeline to what’s supposed to be my home, all the way repeating to myself, just so I wouldn’t forget: I did not have sexual relations with that woman. I did not have sexual relations with that woman. I did not have sexual relations with that woman. Meanwhile, wondering how in the name of carnation I ended up in this parallel universe.
I reached home. Click. My key worked again.
My whippet seemed to recognize me. I did not have … trust me, I have proof. See! I mean, hear. This is where I was: Live At Lake Travis hosting Hearts Of Gold – A Mother’s Love. Listen. Quickly. Before that fatherless child comes squeezing through my keyhole. Believe me, I did not have … We were out and about making history, collecting gold, filling our pots at the end of a rainbow, showing gratitude, enjoying the love of proud mothers for their younglings, enjoying the pride of admiring coaches for their younglings, appreciating teachers cheering on their younglings. Yes, having a few emotional moments too. I did not have . . . There was no time.
Our affair actually started two weeks prior, at the University of Texas (Arlington). We captured a few of the moments on video for you. Hard proof! You won’t see that woman.
Our joys were so enormous, heroically, we rode into the hill country. Lake Travis, while a few of the posse side-stepped to the University of Texas (Austin). There was simply no way I would have had any chance to . . . well, here is more proof (below – another video). We captured a few of our precious moments. Orgasmic. I know. But not that woman. And that poor boy! Maybe, I should’ve let him leap into my arms. What am I saying? I just slapped me.
So, that’s where I was. Oh, that poor boy. I could have been his daddy. Huh? You know what, I’m going to brew me a cup of tea, kick up my heels and dive into your life-affirming blogs, and your humorous blogs, and your heart-warming photography, and your music blogs and, well, your life. That should be proof positive of whether or not I’ve slipped into a parallel universe. If you’re not hearing from me, please, please, please find me. And be aware of parrots. Trust me, I did not have . . . never mind. Parrots are quite lovely, actually. But who let the squawks out?